Perrenial Decomposition.

Rain Springs Eternal.

Been rotting at home today. Absolutely nothing to do. nothing out of the ordinary, nothing. The weather's a fantastic spoiler for a wonderful little sunday evening. Its horrendous.

I can literally feel my brain decomposing as i was reading my JC mathematics homework.. wondering if i could redo those sums again. Logartihms, and whatever babaric nonsense, i have proven to returned to all my teachers. For goodness sakes, it is always these tangibles that are at the end of the day washed down the drain in absolution, and we can never, or at least take forever to regain them again.

Tangibles.

Its going to be another busy week. Have about a tonne of work to do before i fly ogg to Shang Hai, and i doubt i can take a day off before flying off.

This. is my pay day buy:

I am, going to bring it to shang hai and take wonderful pictures. insane.

Along with that little camera, i am going to buy myself a pretty scarf from Zara, and a jacket from FCUK that i've been eyeing for a long long time.

Surely, surely, i think i did mention about not shopping this month did i? lets push it to next month. sigh.

And. and.. did i mention i'll be going to India next month? yes. India.. A place that i've always wanted to go. Not only for exercise of course. but for tour. surely surely, SAF can sponsor my trip there for a few days, and certainly a very different exposure! haha yay.

That would be my 5th Overseas trip with SAF. SAF rocks (for 5 minutes. no more no less)

argh. going to work tommorow. the thought of it just makes me weak. I haven't even ironed my uniform yet. argh.

Positive Connotations of a Different kind.

Albeit shortlived.. I removed the Tagboard.. as you would have noticed.

Reason being.. i didn't want a blardy forum erupting from my tag board. As i have witnessed on many insofar.

i used to be talkative. at least.. used to...

what are we doing tommorow?

To see the world in a thousand colors, and paint our lives in black and white.

Dewitt Jones.. that guy that takes your stunning Nat Geog shots..

I've been a Nat Geog fan ever since i can remember. It is almost certain that it is the basis of my love and zeal for History and Geography, and it has definitely contribusted to the formation of my ambition to become a geologist.

It thought me how to dream, and how to look at boxes and to step out of them. It thought to me believe that the world is beautiful, even in its most ravaged stage. It thought me that beauty, is in our eyes.

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A reflection of my thoughts after the retreat.

I found in myself, the desire to experience my own thoughts from a neuter perspective. I had used that world countlessly throughout all discussions in that chalet. Neuter. Neutral. On the fence.

I wanted to reflect on myself and see myself in the mirror. It was very difficult. I prayed hard about it. And the Lord answered my prayers in the form of Santosh.

He helped me see myself, by offering me a listening ear, and at the same time, offered true and valuable insights to how people view me, the good, the bad and the ugly. It was in essence, a very valuable experience, and something i would treasure for a very long time to come. The only other person that has ever been true to me was Raymond.

I value my friends very much, and i don't show it. It just happens to be that way. I always have had trust issues, and when somebody gives me that 1 cent of friendship/kindness, i go all out to be a friend to be that somebody, and i have no idea how to be a friend except to be generous and concerned. Sometimes, it may even come out wrong.. i dunno.

I read alot into body languages, and from there i read a person's mood, feeling, thoughts and come to a conclusive analysis of that person's character, his worth as a friend, everything.

I find that sometimes, it is so difficult to read people these days. It used to be much easier.

The crux of it all is that, in the past say, 4 months of my life, i've been doing alot of reflection, trying to move on from where i was stuck with my issues with family, and religion and friends..

In the process, i had changed, albeit drastically, according to Santosh, but i could not see that change being myself. And i needed someone to point it out.

I felt that there was a change, but to me, it was positive, because i felt that it was a change in the zeal i had for my work. I was passionate about my work, and i fell in love with G-d. I wanted to grow spiritually in my religion, and i wanted to learn more in my work.

I could not see how it was bad.

However, people do have different perspectives, and in the transitional stages of changing and growing, i lost friends, not friend, but friends.

I thought to myself countless of times, these people who used to eat, laugh and joke, and were on friendly, some more some less terms with me. There were people whom i thought were really really good and true friends, and really really mattered and counted to me. But now it seems, i did not matter or count to them, and the truth is, now, it really really doesn't matter anymore (as i said to andrew, they can burn in hell, and i probably won't even utter a prayer for the damnation of their souls).

There were people who were pivotal to my growth, the obvious one would be Raymond.. GQ... and there were those who came as a suprise, a free gift, mdm eileen, santosh.

It came upon me that this was a great trial, both for myself and for the people around me. To see if i could withstand all these immense pressure, suffering from great stress at work, facing negative transitional changes in my life, and losing friends.

And i realised that those who were real friends, true to the essence, where those who were not always the ones you 'hung out with'.. or the ones you always met.. But were those who during these periods of difficulties, and amid changing torrents, remained true to you, saw your change, and helped lift you out of your hell hole. And for these people, i am grateful, and thankful. The list is, endless, people from the army, people from church, and people from JC, and friends from all over.

And for the people who "gave up" on me during the torrential periods, fark off, you're not worth my time.

And if you're lonely, you know i'm here waiting for you.

The battalion retreat was crazy. It wasn't what i envisioned it to be... but ah well..

It has been a fulfiling retreat also.. I saw my own fair share of tails, and did a reflection on my tour, and also had an opportunity to share with santosh on my feelings about this battalion.

We went for Cpt Lawrence's wedding as sword bearers.. quite interesting.

More pictures to come. Very tired. many things to talk about. people. experiences. a lifetime worth of friendship, and eternity of hatred. The world keeps on turning.

Praise G-d.

And therefore, the end.

The New Year has come.. and so.. as per like everyone else.. we close a chapter, or a sub-chapter and move on into this fresh new period where everything, or nearly everything, we are given a new chance in.

There are some resolutions that i have decided on, during the prayer session we had for Jude, Terence, and Celine's farewell a moment ago. There were some words or some actions that made me see.. and i thought it be good for me to concentrate on them this year.

1) First and foremost, spirituality. To be more involved in church. To be more involved in MSC. To be always mindful of the Grace of G-d.

2) To answer the calling of G-d when He so desires to call. I have in more then 1 case, rejected the call, or even go so far as to deny it. This year, i shall not.

3) To be able to move away, or move on from moments and times that have been difficult, or depressing, and not dwell upon them. Rule of thumb: Raymond's 5 mins rule. But i give myself 3. always be more demanding.

4) To set my mind on something and not deviate from it. More often then not, i give up easily, especially on people. I have trust issues. I do not trust people one bit. I'd rather trust earthworms. THats the truth. I should have faith in people, and have a little more hope.. which will of course lead to charity.. Faith Hope and Charity. Alas.. I give up on people too easily.

5) To not waver from my decisions. To thailand, i will go, to UK i will study. Nothing more. Nothing else. if i have to starve in UK, so be it. Let it be done. There i find my dreams, there i find my desire, there i hear my calling.

There were many and are many unresolved issues from last year, and i probably do not want to tackle them anymore. Because it already is. And i will not consider them issues no more..

And therefore, i finally am able to close a chapter on being below 20.. and now.. to the stars and above.

Wind struck.

When the crows fly past.

The possibility of capturing wind is like painting a picture of lilies and roses with nothing but ochre. Forever Jamoni! Jamoni! But never a mention of vodka!

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Its always things like that, that amuse you.. I never knew Bunnies don't lay eggs.. it was almost natural that they laid eggs to like procreate..

I never thought that they were like.. creatures who give birth to live swaddling babies.

I mean.. it makes sense to go with the whole Easter Bunny, Easter Egg thing right? Like how Reindeers fly, and witches have crooked
noses..

More then first sight.

New Year's was much quieter then Christmas. It isn't even very important to me anyway. Just a flipping of Calender, a changing of dates.

The New Year, still holds its mysteries.. and of course, everyone hopes for a better year ahead.

With the coming new year, i'd like certain things to be done better, for me to behave. For things to go smoothly, and for resolutions to be stuck to. G-d be my helper.

stuff that happened over the new year.. Raymond affirmed us that he needed severe exorcism. and the china tourists in botanical gardens now certainly think that singaporeans are nutters.

Yeah.. went for midnight mass.. it was madness.. quite unexciting new year..

one plus point.. met up wth hannanh.. at her place.. she was having this new year/b'day party thingy.. where she had family and friends.. will get the photos in soon.. it was really nice.. cus the people, i've never seen b4 in my life, 'cept for florence (from SA arts).. and yet.. the conversation could be so enjoyable. its been a long time since i had normal grown up conversation. : )

Went to the airport today to send my best buddy Greg off to the United States of Infidel Land. Will miss him very very much. yah balls.

While i was at the airport.. i was wondering.. how t would be like.. at my own departure.. it feels. surreal. i think i will be happy. i think.

Finally, met someone i've been wanting to meet. It was more then interesting though we spoke no more then a sentence. it was more then a first sight. it was just. breathtaking.

And yes. you can make me new year better by donating me 1 year's worth of Flickr Pro.. i love that shit.. and and and.. my dibleydoo account is full.. so i had to set up another one at superuberpea.. aaargh. i love my photos and i'll really do ANYTHING to get 1 year's free flickr pro.. pleaseee!!!!??