My desire, my life.

Is not man's life on earth a drudgery?
Are not his days those of a hireling?
He is a slave who longs for the shade,
a hireling who waits for his wages.
So I have been assigned months of misery,
and troubled nights have been told off for me.
If in bed I say, "When shall I arise?" then the night drags on; I am filled with restlessness until the dawn.
My days are swifter than a weaver's shuttle;
they come to an end without hope.
Remember that my life is like the wind;
I shall not see happiness again.

The Book of Job 7,1-4.6-7.

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Today's reading struck a very very deep cord with me. I cannot put into words how much it affected me and how much i heard the voice of G-d in that 3 readings. i felt so anxious to go home and read this passage over and over again.

An Orange and an Apple almost never seem the same.

I sprained my stupid back for the upteenth time. again.

This time round.. its not that serious.. but it still hurts nevertheless.. and it sucks. I can't sit properly, stand long, or walk long distances without feeeeling the paaaain. argh.

Tis good also.. which means it puts me out for relay training for a while. yay.

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Gambling.. heh.. something i disliked like HELL.. well cus of certain people and circumstances and stuff..

But i played ban luck like mad last night.. and it was fun. haha.. i lost like 5 freaking bucks!! but ah.. oh well.. all in the name of fun.

So.. there we were.. about 10 people or so.. all good people with good backgrounds and good christian values.. instantly turned into hokkien spewing, leg shaking, surreptitiously superstitious gamblers...

we were so ridiculously superstitious to the point that we attributed our corner's winnings to the lovely Kois who had their heads pointing at us..

Haha.. it was enticing. the lure of a win.

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Farquhar is pronounced FAR-Ker.
Featherstonehaugh is pronounced Fen-shaw.

That i didn't know. wow!

A whistle and a twang goes a long long way..

I was reading some old correspondences.. Not very old.. but like about 9 months ago..

It was useless correspondences.. just to keep in touch when i was out of town.. but it numbered a fair bit.

The contents are of course.. staff in confidential.

What struck me was that.. the correspondent.. used to be a rather close friend.. and now. we don't even acknowledge each other's presence.

Amazing what time + a clash of ideals can do to a friendship isn't it?

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Going back to work. Sianz.

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UCAS.. is probably the slowest and most irate organisation in the world. They are wasting my time. Please hurry up give me my choices so that i can make my decision!?

I need to make my decision so that i can start planning. And i am very slow at planning.

idiots.

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I hope no one from UCAS reads that.. and cancels my application. or make it even slower. heh.

I fear the most negligible things.

Change.

Changed.

Has Changed.

Things change. That is the only constant. And i fear the change. Who doesn't?

But recently, i've been hearing too much of this word. Change. He's Changed. I've changed. Things changed.

And it frightened me deeply.

It almost annoys me on how things can change in such a quick twist. With the blink of an eye, people die, fortunes lost, friends split, and quarrels ensue peace.

Change, is my biggest fear. I wish there were never change.

How can i ever show you how much i hate it that everything's changed?

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Anna and the King... is the MOST ludicrous story that i've ever watched. It is absolutely impossible on every level. Just think about it.. the sovereignty of the Thai King being constantly insulted on a daily level by a white??? It can't even take place today, not to mention more then a hundred years ago!

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CNY has never been a really exciting or.. intriguing for myself.

This is probably the last CNY i have in singapore.. and the last many others..

I did try to promise myself to make the most out of the last festivities that i will celebrate in singapore.. my last christmas, new year, easter, deepavali, adilfitri, everything.. somehow.. i've not really suceeded.

The fear and anxiety of going overseas looms.. it is getting more and more real, and i've never felt more afraid. It seems that no amount of prayers, or counsel can get rid of this feeling of darkness.

I am probably the only person, to you my dear reader, that has felt this obscene amount of fear about going overseas to study.. while approximately 90% of my peers would jump at the opportunity.

But this feeling has to be overcomed. There is always a greater good, and a greater masterplan.

I will miss you (all) very mcuh. heh.

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You know how music tunes into your mind and make you float into a dream like world.

You see colors and bubbles and shapes and feel emotions when you hear music. Music of all sorts, advertisement tunes, classical pieces, rock ballads, and pop hits.

There are those that tickle your mind, and then you forget them, and there are those that stick in your mind and you can never get rid of them.

Paganini is one that tickles your mind. And California is one that sticks in your mind.

You wonder how the dynamics of all these work out. The magical way music brings forth a sleuth of emotions, and feelings.

A divine gift no doubt, and a gift fit for the divine.