And theres a list.

I've learnt that making a list of things to do will help organise your life better, and make planning a breeze.. so therefore, i've got several lists!

List #1: Things to do before going to UK

1. Go for health check up at TTSH
2. Get a finance health status slip for visa.
3. Apply UK Visa
4. Apply Accom in Manchester.
5. Confirm flight
6. Go to KL, visit yi ma.
7. Go to Bkk.
8. Book flight from Plymouth to Manchester, and bus tkts from Heathrow to Plymouth.

List #2: Things i wanna buy b4 going to UK.

1. That pair of Aasics shoes i fell in love with
2. MacBook.
3. Jap engine jeans from Arab street
4. herbs to bring to UK for soup
5. Miso
6. Top grade sesame oil and oyster sauce
7. Big Giant Exorcism Crucifix for my room in manchester.
8. A chinchai new handphone.

So. i've changed my choice again. but this time, its blessed.

The University of Manchester F600 Sept 2006 Unconditional Firm 02-Jun-2006 -
campus: - entry point: 1


My dear friends, please pray for me.

Don't tell me its true.

When I awoke this morning, the room was filled with an air of blue. There were colors that I've never seen before. Mellow, plaid, densely melancholic colors.

There were thoughts that I never dreamt I could have thought of, and definitely, the emotions. Ah the emotions.

The conversation didn't go so well. It went around in circles, and started and ended with antagonising apologies. Things that I did not want to hear.

It was like as if there was a macabre lantern hanging over my head. The flickering of its flame, each lick resounded with pain. There seemed no end.

There could be no end, there could be greater consequences, but I am pretty sure of one thing, and one thing alone. That I would not go there, ever again.

There are places, time and spaces that we never dreamt of dwelving into. We never thought we'd experience, or we never thought we'd go. When we do, we sit and revel at its mysteries, lo and behold, the bright brilliant wonder of curiousity. The passions of life, and alchemy of human reactions. It seemed beautiful. Almost like fireworks lighting up in the starless dark sky.

Now that the colors and lights of the fireworks have died down, there is only the whiff of sulphur from the residual gun powder. The pungent remnant of a beautiful spectacle. An ugly testimony to what you thought was beautiful. There was cleaning up to do.

Curiosity killed the cat afterall.

So much for guessing?

As i sit here, at my table, I feel perturbed.

I feel melancholy poisoned.

I feel angered.

I feel subdued.

I feel dirty.

I feel impure.

I feel absolutely lost.

I have never felt this way before. But here is the feeling of something I never dreamt that I could feel in a million years.

All the chanting about taking up a vocation, swearing to chastity, devoting my life to science (geology), sujecting myself to the service of God, living as an old folks bachelor/spinster community together, all went down the drain.

Somehow, I feel unclean. I feel dirtied. I've lost my innocence, I've lost my graces.

I just want to cry. but I can't. I will never die pure. All I have left, is my quiet, my cathedral quiet.

So help me God.

Stripped
you're beginning to float free
up through the smoke of bushfires
and incinerators
the unleafed branches won't hold you
nor the radar aerials

You're what the autumn knew would happen
after the last collapse
of primary colour
once the last absolutes were torn to pieces
you could begin

How you broke open, what sheathed you
until this moment
I know nothing about it
my ignorance of you amazes me
now that I watch you
starting to give yourself
away to the wind ------ Adrienne Rich's Autumn Equinox

Shh.. don't tell anybody.

It was an oddly calming day...

The Philipino ICPE (some catholic mission thingy) came by to do session for MSC today.. So after mass, (and gobbling breakfast) we huddled into a room to welcome them..

I think the word is hyper. Thats my first impression of them. Me Beats and Kel were sitting together.. and we couldn't stop looking at each other in disbelief. These people are crazy!! Haha.. they were full of energy, and they kept laughing and smiling!! Gosh. They really had the blessings of G-d.

It was so refreshing compared to what we usually had.

I really enjoyed the praise and worship.. and i rarely enjoy PnWs.

Anyway.. at halfway, i went out with beats, cus she had to go home and i had to move my car. I asked her how was uni stuff.. and she said she decided to go to NUS since she already had her place..

Suddenly.. the horrendous "i hate going to UK" thoughts came to me again.

I felt so lost.

(Wait. wait. disclaimer. i've nothing going on with beats or anything.. but please read on to understand why i felt lost)

It dawned upon me that i could have actually stayed in singapore to do Architecture, like the original plan (ok ok.. the umbrella plan) had stipulated.. then i would be in the same school as beats! Not that it mattered...

But it struck me as odd that i took the more difficult route, when beats said since she got NUS.. she'd stay.. and i'm like. I WAS BORN WITH NUS.. and i'm not even staying..

And it added to the whole "Fuck fuck! i'm going to UK for 3 years!" apprehension. If you know what i mean.

So yeah.. and i was like all analed and shittied.. and refused to respond to prayer, and everything.. and i was like;

Dear God,

This is Jason speaking. yes. Jason Job.

You said GO! when i asked you if i should go to UK. BTW, you took 2 years to reply (that minus 10% for late assignments).

Not that i'm blaming you, but you seriously need to explain why you say GO!. I mean, you're God and everything, but in modern comprehension context, you cannot just say GO!.. I'm afraid i'll have to give you 1 mark out of 3, because you failed to paraphrase and show that you understood my question.

Kindly do your corrections, before i get really confused and start crying.

Your Loving Son,

Jason. Job.

Then suddenly, one of the Philipino mission people came up to share about her life.. which was really sad.. (and everybody was like. erm. tearing).. And in her last sentence, she said that she surrendered everything to the Holy Spirit, and if we did that, everything would be good.

Alleluia. He replied my email so quickly. thats why we love Him.

Then later.. As i was sending some of the people to Haig road for thier BBQ, Jacqueline one of the people following the Philipino peoples told me about her aspirations with Geology (same dream! woo hoo!) and i shared with her my apprehensions about my dream, all the opportunity costs..

And she asked me.. What does the HS say?

well.. He said, GO!

Well.. then it shouldn't be a problem.. just go.

okok i'm going..

So yeah.. i bet everyone benefitted from this whole session one way or another.. it was really nice of them to come..

Anyway.. Jeanette was close to bawling her eyeballs out when they were performing this mime her sister (celine) taught them in philipines.. I guess it kinda reminded her of her sister, and you could pretty much guess that she could have died missing her sister who is doing mission work in philipines. poor jeanette.

Praise God for sending them to us!

After sending them to Haig road.. i headed back to Bishan to pick up my stuff from Weishen's place.. He plainly gave me his address as Blk 218 Bishan St 23.. so yeah.. it kinda looked familliar..

till i turned to St 22..

and i was amusing to myself.. Hey! thats where Clem and Ray stay!

Then i turned to St 23... and it became.. Crap.. they're neighbours in the same neighbourhood..

then i turned into the blk lanes.. and it became.. whoa.. they seriously live close by to each other..

then i stopped infront of raymond's house. and it became.. SHIT SHIT!! HE'S RAYMOND'S NEIGHBOUR!!!! as in like 1 door away kind of neighbour.

So i called clement and went to his house after i picked up my stuff from WS's place.. which was bloody heavy. thank goodness i drove.

So yeah.. There live many Artillery Officers in that little enclave.. at least 4 i think.. and thats pretty coool. haha.. Artillery Officer's Enclave. haha

Well.. my block too!! there's me and the other clement from AAG! haha.


Artillery Officers RAWK.