The wall seems like an unlikely partner.

I'm not at your beck and call. I do not work in a company by the name of 'Dial-a-Friend'. I am not accountable to you, and I don't think i like being talked to as and when you want to.

I am not a product of your desire, and i should not be part of your check list. I am not an item.

Its people like that, that make me annoyed, pissed, angry and tired.

And everytime i feel annoyed, pissed angry or tired, I pray so hard to get over it, and i find it so hard to find love, peace and patience. But sometimes, I do. Thats why i think, speaking to the wall, maybe a better option.

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Another thing altogether

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Its scary.. how we so often fall into this trap.

To constantly complain about things. People, School, Friends, Relationships, Work.

And its scary, that sometimes, our conversations are circled on these topics. Or otherwise on superficial materialism.

I'm no saint. I fall into this category many a time.

And i find it difficult to explain or relate my spirituality to a non-catholic. I don't think i can ever open up to a non-catholic ever. I'm sorry my dear non-catholic friends.. I'm pro-pluralism and multi-religious society though. Its something you call ritual, and something i call G-d. Its something you call heresy, and something i call truth.

I really don't know how things will be like in UK, but i can say that i know i will dread leaving. I will really really hate it. As much as i'd like to stay.. we all know its too late.

When the alarms go off.

First off, i got my school laptop today.. So i can be surfing the net when i'm not teaching! Hurrah!

Secondly, it has been brought to my attention that there are people who i would never expect to, are reading my blog. The first thoughts of it disturbed me greatly, i thought of shifting my blog anonymously, and entertained thoughts of returning to LJ with the friends only option.

But democracy and free speech got the better of me.

So here are the Constitutions, (or what laymen would call it, disclaimers) that i lay my blog on:

1) That it is in the light of understanding, and the exploration of opposing ideaology, and the respect of pluralism, not only culturally and also perspective wise, and philosophically, that my entries are based on.

2) That all entries are entities of my thoughts, vulgar or beautiful, peaceful or vengeful, but never used for hurting, harming, or to cause unrest.

3) That all entries and pictures inclusive, have been carefully thought through. With the understanding that being in my position, previously and current, i may hold sensitive information.

Free speech has to be earned. And how much are you doing to help it?

One of those days.

A colleague went to the maldives during the holidays. Unfair. : (

And our new english teacher, told us his harrowing/hilarious accomodation issue when he first arrived. Imagine. A family of 3 britons, living in a cheap hotel right smack in the middle of Geylang. Not very healthy is it?

But it seems that our concept of red light district compared to theirs, is rather different.. To them.. they expect plain outright dirty, unsafe, filled with sex workers etc.. but to us.. its a taboo.. BUT. we still go there for our gu bak kway teow/tau huay/frog legs... What can i say? We singaporeans are SLUTS for food. haha..

I should probably try to look busy in school now. Everybody was asking me why do i look bored. Like Hello!? I end at 1045 on wednesdays and i have no lessons after that???? And i can't leave school till 1300?? WHY do i look bored????? So people randomly drop in and give me stuff to do. sigh. : (

I'm going to see if i can get a laptop.. then i can sit at my table and surf instead.. whoopee.

I'm craving cheesecakes. again. sigh.

Of bunny rabbits and brown cows.

I was reading the works of this guy called Marty Dunno What. But it was rather nice.. Though albeit it might have seemed heretical to some non-lutherans. But his songs are used in catholic hymneals too!

First day of school. Ah. how shall i put it.

So many changes.. but i'm not complaining. I adore my new timetable. it gives me free time at the right times of the week/day! Heh. expect to see me more often in the teacher's lounge, or going home straight at one. yay.

THere are one million and one things i want to do before i leave, and its just a culmination of hidden desires that suddenly rise as if yeast has been added.

Sometimes, it feels as though everything is fine and dandy.. and you just live on.. and yet.. there are moments when you really feel that you need, a nice holiday in the maldives. : (

I wanted so dearly to get my diving licence, which did not materialise. sadly. But nevertheless, i could perhaps get it when i'm in UK.. during the hols, in plymouth or something. heh.

The religious orders seem somewhat attractive to me nowadays.

I had a bustling idea, and it couldn't have come from nowhere.

Have you looked up into the canopy of trees on a bright sunny day and feel the warmth of the sun radiating and wrapping around you?
Have you seen birds in flight chirp in unison, carried by winds of high up, above all thats stale?
Have you heard the waters flowing, surreptitiously, from a small valley, and see its lucious crystal surface dance across the rocks?
Have you felt the cold breeze of the winds that blow, far south near the seas, that feel like silk kerchiefs caressing your face?

Have you seen G-d today?

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Cheryl says i should have a farewell mass. Yah right. By the looks of it, if we really have a farewell mass, i'll bawl my eyes out from the I Confess all the way to the parting blessings.

I felt really sad today, when Fr Ho celebrated the youth mass.. not because of Fr Ho, not because of the youth choir, not because of the stuff bothering the community, not because of anything negative.. but because i realised how much i'll miss church and community life in singapore once i'm there.

One after another, my advocates have advised me on the lack of a fulfilling christian life in the UK. And for the first time, i am not only worried about that, I am actually very very very frightened. Scared till i could just piss in my pants right about now.

What if i lose my G-d in UK? Argh. i'll roll over and die that instant moment.