Dreary dreary saturday.

You wonder almost all the time. Oh why do you try.

Mel invited me for the King's college alumni thing at four seasons hotel last night. The dinner was really an eyeopener.. or rather, it was largely made of Hor d'oveures.. it was weird, a dinner of hor d'oveures.. not very filling hor?

Obviously, the dinner was filled with people from Kings college, and it certainly felt very weird. And i nearly felt stupid. haha.

Whoever that writes for channel news asia must have a brilliant mind. The prose that all seeminly propaganda channel belts out is not only beautiful, it is practically linguistically orgasmic.

Building a bridge over the gap.

Reconciling and solving problems between people are one of the most difficult things to do. Building a bridge over the atlantic would be a much easier thing to do.

There are so many facets to the human mind. Those in denial, those who simply do not care, and those who love. We can't make people think the way we do, but there is one thing, the most important thing that cures all diseases, pains, and hurts. And that is Love.

Surely, Love is a gift from the HS+. And we can only ask for the gift to Grant the Desire for the gift. And when we do, and are given the grace to love, we can more efficiently put to task the reconciliation or solving of problems at hand.

At times, there are those who are in denial that there are problems galore. They choose to look away and make believe that everything is ok. When it isn't.

WHen that happens. All we can do is pray and and wait.

Sometimes i really wish i'm dead.

Grant me the grace to desire it...

WHO is that MAAAAN!!!????
I want to SHAAAKE His HAND!!!!
Cus He lives in MEEE!
and He died for MEEE and YOOOUU!!!
OoOoOoH...

Very very tired.

Been thinking alot about money. And its a big Headache.

I've always been self-reliant.. especially in the past 2 years.

I've paid all my bills myself, fed myself, clothed myself, comfortably.

Albeit a little too comfortably, I still am considered, financially independent.

And now, I've to return to being reliant on doles of 30 quids a week. I am apalled.

I've to RELY on another human being for money!?

That is so. erm. unimagineable suddenly.

Either i'm going to be very broke in UK, or fare badly in my studies. Sigh.

i wish i'd win 4D. : (

Its so easy to say No.

Every morning, we all struggle with reality. We lie in bed staring at the ceiling wondering why in the world should we get up at unearthly hours to do things that we probably do not enjoy that much anyway. Be it work, school, or maybe even going out with friends.

I struggle with that reality every morning at 6 am when i wake to go to school. To teach.

And there come moments when we are called, to go out, or to do something, and we just procrastinate, and wait, and do nothing about it. Or simply say no to an invitation that could be so enticing, so good, just because we don't want to go out, travel, or simply just being lazy.

It is so easy to say no to the things that we know are good for us.

It could be church, a life-long seminar that could do miracles for your staggering faith, work, or even medicines. It so easy to say 'later' to paying your bills, returning the money you owe, establishing communications, send that spoilt headphones for a warranty exchange, or look for information for school.

Yet, it is so difficult to say No to things that decay us.

Things like booze, partying one more hour, sleep, and decadent rich luxurious food. Things that waste us. Things that make us poor, in mind, and body.

Why do we humans behave like that? Its a pain sometimes.

It takes alot of courage, determination and discipline to say yes to things that have positive effects on our lives.

So for starters.. lets try to go for LISS.

sigh. a big struggle with the distance.

Spilled egg yolks smell like rotten fish.

I made a cheesecake for betty's birthday yesterday.. It wasn't much of a sincerity pending i MADE it at her house, using her mum's equipment. Heh. I bought the cream cheese and used my own recipe though.

And it rocked the house.

I figured that i really do want to go UK. But i'll miss everything and everyone here. But thats unavoidable. Marcus once said that being passionate about something meant that you will desire it enough to go through hardship for it. Lets take leaving as Hardship part one.

Anyway, I truly believe that the friendship/communion i share with my community stems from the Holy Spirit, and thus, it is good and will come in droves. So yeah. they're important anyhow.

Went for milk run today. Its been a long time since i went for any runs. But I feel good now, albeit a little tired.

I tried pushing myself all the way.. but after the 3rd kilometre.. i had to slow down. Sadly, i only met a silver timing based on 5 km.

Ran into, celine, amardeep, and elijah there. What a coincidence! There were so many familiar army faces.. And I haven't seen cel since i ORDED! That was when i went to MinDef to verfiy some documents and made a little detour to visit her and harvey.

That was like 2 months ago. Now. she's happily attached (i won't say who. heh).. But well still rememberd.. and i miss being nonsensical with her.

Amardeep's now a pro runner of some sort.. Since AMQ days.. he's always been spotted running... while lazy old me would be walking or mulling around camp. He makes me feel... erm.. ashamed that i'm so lazy as an officer. haha.

Elijah looked the same. Albeit skinnier.. people seem to lose alot of weight.. but it seems that people are losing alot of weight leh.

Ok must run more.

I really enjoyed the breeze in my hair, my feet pounding the tarmac floor to the beat of Gather Us in, or Let us exalt him.

I always offered my runs up to Him, and see it as a strive to reach Him. I dunno why. It has been like that since BMT..

Its been a feeling that i've been missing since leaving the army. Good ole' runs.

I took a few moments to reflect on my journey last week while i had the free time in school. And i was amazed at how i've been affected and changed by the HS in the past few months. I can see myself more clearly, i can feel my heart, and suddenly, the shining sun has a meaning of its own.

Winds don't blow because of pressure belts, and mountains are not tall because they were formed that way. Autumn leaves aren't a color of golden malted brown because they're dying, and the sky isn't a rich summer blue because it is cloudless.. but i realised that its because G-d is good.

yay.

Jeanette said that Radical living isn't about being radical inside.. but also radical on the outside too.. i'm confused about that though, and i don't see myself being radical at least for a while now.