A quick one.

Very tired.

Went to KM 8 yesterday. very relack one corner place..

Realxing by the sea, enjoying the cool breeze, and sipping a nice glass of.......

mango juice????

I drove lah.

I think i ran into something 'dirty' today.. I saw this talisman, and there was suddenly a great deal of anxiety within me. It was very bad. I was on the verge of panicking. There was fear, very deep and complex fear.. and i started praying.

Scheduled brain outage.

Bleargh. Supposed to go and do my UK visa today.. in the end.. I woke up at 11 (woo hoo!!! unprecedented poor discipline by the purveyor of strict monastic life himself!!) instead of the originally planned 8.

Oh well. Anyway I didn't get my letters/documents and stuff sorted out yet.. So.. went to cut hair. And my hairstylist permed her hair. Wah. like Bah Hu(pork floss) like that. But i din dare to say her... later she shave me bald. haha.

Ate sausages with adriel after that.. and then took a bus to Sts Peter and Paul for some quite time with G-d.. i thought i had alot of time b4 meeting my mum mah.

THE ADO ROOM> was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Beautiful. Like. its like the Mostest Beautifullest Adoration Room i've ever been to!!!!!! SFX is plain (and has a nice hotel smell to it).. HF is cold.. and heavy.. Minor Sem is gaudy.. yeah.. thats all the ados i've been to. I would've taken a picture if i remembered to.

Then i went for the ado of infant jesus. wah liew. so devotional.. abit losted.. so just knelt there and petitioned.

The carmelite spirituality.. is one that intrigues me.. I can't seem to grasp it fully by reading Teresa of Avilux or John of the Cross.. BUt it seems to be something even bigger, something that words cannot carry, but only the gentle winds, and the beaming sun can tell of. Like how the Prophet Elijah heard the voice of G-d in the gentle winds on the Mount Carmel, we all hope to find this inner silence in us.. so that we can hear the voice of G-d in everything we do. And thats tough sia.

But job wasn't a carmelite.. he was a businessman.... haha..

England England England. Sigh..

Been talking and thinking about it since I was in JC 1.. It all started as a dream, something that i wanted to try out.. to just you know.. have abitta aim. I wanted to go to Reading University at first.. budden.. i decided to change that to St Andrews, and only recently, Manchester. So yeah. Things materialised at last.

There were times along the way where i really didn't want to go to UK anymore. Especially when i was having a great time in Sg. The times i spent dancing away in clubs. getting pissed drunk in taiwan, and getting spirited away by Belvedere, 42 Below, and Jose Cuervos (and i still maintain, thats Bloody Chicken Piss!) .. also not forgetting the times i spent by the sea with a couple of good friends, just chatting.. or drinking slightly.. and chilling out there.. by the sea..

and also the times we went for impromptu supper. Supper with REAL food.. not fish and chips and that kinda crap.. but stuff like Oh Luak, Mee Sua, Ching Tng.. etc etc..

And all the times I can just brisk into any church for mass, and spot a familliar face anytime, anyday..

I was once very much convinced that I WANT to stay in singapore.. and that was after a very lenghty discussion with angie.. and with raymond and clement adding to the fire in the background. And i thought.. oh fuck it. I'd have to live in poverty when i get there.. and i've to leave eveyrhting i lived for, that was such a pain to me then.

But then again, in retrospect, what made me really want to go is my own desire to be excellant. I didn't want to just do any old course in NUS and live my life out behind a desk, 20 years down the road tell my kids, Daddy COULD HAVE gone to uk to study rocks..

I wanted to do something that I really felt inspired to. And i know that my society and economy can loose 1 money generator. heh.

It is a big jump for me.. A very big leap of faith.. Something that is not in character with someone like me. Who prefers to be private, loyal and routine.

but i'll jump anyway. I trust that G-d will guide me.. and will keep me close..

My Sovereign Nation.

It feels fancifully weird to watch the parade on Teevee this year, when last year, i was at the padang, with an ear piece stuck to my right ear, dressed in green, topped by a blue beret, running about screaming instructions.

It felt fancifully weird to be seated when the National Anthem resonated from the teevee, while last year, I stood upright, saluting the reverent song.

I just don't feel high this year lah.

I still love my country nevertheless... no matter what..

Happy Birthday my Sovereign Nation.

As far as I'm concerned.

I don't know what I'm thinking. But i'm just going to type out some rubbish before i retire to my cot for the night.

Been reading this book, Assisi underground.. about how this franciscan friar helped like 5 freaking thousand jews escape the holocaust. Rather brilliant.. but i don't like it when the priest drink excessively and curse. : (. And also when the gestapo guy broke into the Sister's of St Clare's cloister.. felt angry.

The liability of change, or is change a liabilty. Is one who wants change a liability, or is one who denies change a liability? When is change a liability, and when should change take place? All very confusing questions that point back to the Holy Spirit. But with such ardent debates going on, it is hard to question the inferential inspirations that should sweep us all into a spirit change. Therefore, i rest my case.

For the first time in my life, i can stay home and watch Little Breton.. that hilariously insane and psychotic brit comedy that shows on arts central every tuesdays at 10. It was hilarious...

It all started with..

Here in britain, where crime rates are low... and crime rates are low not because we skin and flog those with parking fines, but because of a very special lot......

and it goes on to show very disgustingly lame and psychotic actors doing and saying very frighteningly psychotic things. That i laugh insanely at.

Rarr. i'm hungry.

Thanksgiving....

Sports carnival at Tampines stadium today. I'd like to retract my previous statement of "boring day ahead".

Had alot of fun.. though it was blardy freaking tired.. because apparently, there were other teachers who were assigned to help me but they didn't turn up. But all went well because the girls i got as officials were bloody good. So yeah.. beam with pride you ego-maniacal cow-like creatures (you know who you are).

We had fun laughing at people who fell flat face down on the field with mouthfuls of grass, Michelle breathing in helium.. imitating the silly girls. But the energy died down towards the end because we were simply overwhelmed by our own sheer exhaustion thanks to the help that didn't arrive.

Then we had PE department lunch.. and they treated me!! Haha.. so nice of them. Ate at coffee club.. and chatted for about 2 hours. haha.. Its been a fantastic experience working in SAC for the past months. Praise G-d.

At the moment.. there are too many things on my mind. And I would love to slow down my life.. my social life, my involvment in church, and everything. Just to prepare myself leave for UK.. Which was the reason why I seriously contemplated leaving the community last week, and I am wondering if i should not go for the sec 3 confirmation camp. There are so many things i would like to do for myself.. Like my own carmelite retreat/discernment recollection/time to do the morning and night prayers/read/relax/sleep/listen to music/spend good quality time with family and close friends yeah.. stuff like that.. but I don't have the time, and that makes me pissed.

in half an hour's time i would be leaving to teach tuition. see? i hate being so packed. >: (

And He says.. I will come to you!

Just had another great session at LISS in church. It only brings to mind that I am leaving soon, and I can only fear for my own spiritual growth in the land of scones and tea. : (

Mulled around.. chatting with people from church about everything and anything. It was nice. It was the highlight of the day. Church activities are beginnign to be the highlight of the Day/Week/Month. Scary lah. I would have never thought I could devote so much of myself to this odd mission of the secular world. And it actually lasts. : )

Many asked me today if MSC were doing the sec 3 Confirmation camp. And I gave a politically correct answer of, we are doing the facilitating. I hate being bureaucratic. But i've to live with it. We're a human organisation. Then again, aren't we called countless of times to be "Pure of Heart" so that we can "See the Kingdom of God" ? Shucks. sigh. hmm..aargh.

Super tired. From work and everything. But its good fulfiling tired knowing that I worked. And i praised God in my work. And i saw that it was good. blah blah blah.

Abit lazy to go and transpose tonight's notes into my journal. My handwriting very small. : (

Sports carnival tml. What a boring day.

I hate students who are so insolent and at the same time i can't help but feel sympathy for them. That they have no love or concern of their family members to the point that their family members can't even be bothered to educate them in manners, and also perhaps that these students have lesser then average intelligence and are unable to comprehend normal social behaviour. Poor children. : P

Santa Maria et omnes Sancti intercedant pro nobis ad Dominum. +

The power of Three..

Three things that the Italians reckon God doesn't know:
1) What the Jesuits are thinking.
2) The number of Nuns in Rome.
3) Where in the world the Franciscans got all their money from.

Heh. Tongue in cheek.

Read some disturbing articles about how abusive the government is. Rather sadly, i side with the victimized speakers of singapore. I am a loyalist, a patriot, of the bloody sovereign nation. And that is why I simply cannot accept this.

Is our governement slowly turning into a Regime? : ( so sad.

Santa Maria et omnes Sancti intercedant pro nobis ad Dominum.