A mirror in time.

I realized at mass today, that while I was kneeling there shaking the bell, exactly 8 hours ago, my friends from my community back home were going through exactly the same thing as I did. The same feeling, same emotion, and best of all, the same prayer.

Thats why I love being a catholic.

For the first time in months, I actually think I may have made the wrong decision. A decision I made months ago. (no not about coming here, or not about money or what..) For the first time in a long time. I felt ache. Yes. ache.

Why do i feel like this?

And thats all that is left of my soul.

Just got back from watching Casino Royale and having a chomp at the market.

A scary thought frightened me last night. Having to pack up my room for the easter break, is indeed, not something I'm looking forward to. And I shouldn't be losing sleep over it.

On the bright side.... I am going to Rome for Easter! Woopy! So must brush up my Italiano.

Plane tickets are dirt cheap if i boook early.

By virtue of.

"Being here, we are already financially blessed, how can we demand more?"

Thats alot to think about.

I didn't go to work yesterday, those who were around me know why, and shh... haha

Looking forward to many things coming soon, things to look forward to is good. good. gooood.

I've got bakwa to eat! Woopy!

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Changed the Header, now its the Nativity, to represent the Advent season. I remember the last time I had them changed.. The first was the last supper one, which was very dramatic, showing only the bread and wine and the hands off Da Vinci's Last Supper, that was for approaching Easter, and Easter proper. Then I had it change to Michelangelo's ET thing.. with God reaching out to man.

I thought I wanted to change my header to represent my wish for a new intimacy. My faith has been stagnant since coming here, and yeah.. i still want it to grow even as we speak!! And so.. I hope the header represents my spiritual life, my Joy in finding the Lord. My joy.

Sometimes I just dunno how to express it.

Sing a new song..

Sing a new song everyday.. I guess. I hope..

Not a very bright day today.. T'was pretty depressing.. I dunno.. maybe it was the phonecall home, maybe it was the long day, maybe it was all the radioactivity we had to do, maybe it was all the things i had to do, maybe it was missing home cus Advent season just started, maybe it was the wearing thin of my own optimism, maybe maybe maybe.

I was told that I had tremendous optimism in life, and I don't think my writings for the past i dunno how long has reflected this hypothesis. Heh.

I can feel it draining out of my fingers, dreadful steps toward the lecture theatre/lab, heavy lids, dreary hands, poor concentration. Yes, I need a retreat.

There are alot of things on my mind now.. My colleague commented when i just started my shift.. Jason's pretty quiet today.. I told him i probably was just nakered from uni and stuff.. and he's like.. u prolly think too much.. Yep.. I probably do.

Somehow, when you're really tired, you can't seem to find that ray of light, that hope and that sense of belonging, but you've just got to trust that it is there, like how He is always there, THAT alone is faith. How I will live out this 2 weeks will be a measure of my faith. Oh gosh i hate times like these.

On the bright side.. brought back pastries and sandwiches from work. I love working closing shifts at Costas. They give me money and they feed me. Haha..

Its not really my birthday, I just want people to send me more rocks.

I quote. Gregory Yip.

The winds today were so strong i nearly FLEW away. Yes. That is a sign i should eat more.

It was a great 21st, I suppose.. as compared to previous years. But this time, I wasn't in my own territory where I can evade celebrations held in absentia or without my knowledge. Every year something like that happens. Most years I dodge, but this year, I simply couldnt hide.

This may come a little late, but Thank You so very much people from Singapore who are here with me in Manchester, I really appreciate the gift, and the trip to Beetham Towers, it was an eyeopener for me. You know who u are.

Every year I recluse during my birthday, this year isn't any different, spending a few refreshing days at Plymouth was what i needed to get backdated school work, and get my mind off everything for a while. For a moment there, I was beginning to enjoy the silence. I guess this is a sign that I need one x major retreat somewhere for a fewdays to refocus my telescope unto my God. Because, I just couldn't hear or feel him recently.

I guess it gets like that when suddenly the schedule steps up its speed and rushes head first into time without any consciousness to realise that this rip in time/space brings distance from Him.

I wish I brought my bible to Plymouth. Heh.

I'm sorry to say, I dread going to work, but I need the money. Oh sigh.

Looking forward to many things, I guess thats what keeps the hope alive.

Suddenly, I realise that this entry's pretty depressing.

I guess its because I just returned from mass, and realizing that we didn't have an advent wreath, or large dramatic and beautiful decorations for christmas made me miss home again. Also, realizing that I will be spending christmas only with my sister, without my family, and my closest friends kinda hit the wrong chord with me.

Its gonna be a lonely christmas no? I certainly hope not.

Oh yes, thankyouverymuch Melch for the present I didn't receive!! : D hahahhaaa..

May You Kingdom come, and Your will be done!