Convenience.

Not very long ago, we had a discussion on convenience. Like how people easily fell into friendships of convenience, or habits out of convenience. Very simple stuff like.. I grew up in church, therefore my social life kinda revolves around church. WELL.... I didn't grow up in church, and I wouldn't really say my social life revolves around church, BUT i dedicate(d) loads of time to church. . . If u get what i mean.

When meeting new people with your friends, they sometimes ask, "So, how do you know XYZ?", the answer is always, "Oh.. He/she's my Flat/Course/Caving/Church/Singapore mate."

Have we not realised that by sticking to those little circles, we are in our own special way, walled up like a frog?

Not to mean that it is bad, or malicious or anything. But have you ever considered... Why in the bloody world are you friends with the people whom you hang out with!? Seriously.. when I think about it.. Its a whole damn comedy played out on a spoilt VCR.... which isn't very funny at all.

Reading my previous journal entries.. I thought to myself how much of a heathen I've become... Getting drunk weekly... skipping classes.. taking a piss at people... Overloading my liver.. And it did frighten me from time to time to wonder. Shit. I was such a freak just a year back. And then reality snaps back and I'll mutter. Shit. I was always am and will be a bloody mental freak.

Oh how brilliant it is when you label yourself a bloody mental freak..

I swear the 9pm sun setting stunt is no longer amusing or fun. Its confusing me. shite. Maybe summer ain't so fun afterall.

hilarity to a certain degree.

Its funny how the weather this summer is so perfect.. u take a few beers out, sit on the grass, and try to study. Yet.. you end up a little too tipsy for Sedimentary Petrology, and well.. end up asleep.

The weather's so brilliant i'm keeping myself in. So I can so called.. Study.

I'm suprised my phone can actually take photos that are well.. at least 25% decent.

I'm waiting for a pretty important email to come through, and I can't remember which email address I gave to them. So i'm sitting in my room, checking both my emails, school and personal, just to make sure. I'm anxious, because this will decide my summer. Oh gosh. I can feel the butterflies.

One thing though.. they're sure slow workers.

I slept 12 hours last night because my back ached. : (

A faulty disc....

"Be my loooove, for no one else can end this yearning, theres need that you and you alone prevail, just fill my arms the way your fill my dreams, the dreams that you inspire... with every sweet desire. Be my loooooove, and with your kisses set me burning, one kiss is all i neeeed to seal my fate, and hand in hand we'll find love's promised land, there'll be no one but you for me... eternally..... if you will be my love..................." The music comes to a screeching halt.

Wake up my dears. For goodness sakes, what century are we in now!? What love? What promised land? Its all Disney's propaganda! Booohoo.

Its like when you think you know all you need to about the world, your surroundings, the current situation, something drastically strange will pop out from the darkest corners to frighten you.

Being human, seek every corner, and glance from that direction, a new perspective. A new definition unto you will be found!

Life is like a vulgar railway track...

Patron?

I never felt more patronised in my life. Don't make empty promises my friend. I will get fucking pissed. like I am now.

Grit and mettle?

Many times it all boils down to these 2 words, grit and mettle..

Gone through many many mentally and physically tough situations, probably even tougher then what I think I might go through in summer, and yet, I actually question my own grit and mettle.

I might not have enough to survive summer.

Its amazing how simple things can break your spirit. Simple signs that so easily disintegrate the mortar between the bricks, practically chemicals that have no relation to, or don't belong where they are.

They're like thorns in your sides. Who says that humans and thorns ever got along with each other?

Every other 3rd culture kid i've spoken to actually says i've the syndrome, the 3rd culture syndrome. Why? its strange. I've only been here for 8 months, not long enough to develop this syndrome!

Alrighty then, off to bed. I might not go to work on tuesday. I'm just so undriven at the moment that I can't even be arsed to go in and earn 20 pounds.

For the whole of next week. I will not turn on my laptop. I will only use internet from school, and not from my room. Lets see how I survive. : D