Everytime I say that, a part of me dies and never grows back again. I don't know how much longer I can last.
Chin up my boy! We've got a long journey ahead of us!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wot in the world was I thinking!!??
Was trying to sort out some of my house thingys a moment ago.. Ash residential (my realtor agent) says that the halls are being a pain in the arse (whats new?).. and my hall admin is saying that Ash resi is being strange (erm.. pot calling the kettle black), so Ash residential says.. screw it.. we'll just go ahead without the landlord ref. oh well. so much for university red tape.
I had the Chandos Hall (where i live now) on my screen just incase Ash resi decides they wanna check the fax details again, and I was looking at the pictures on the screeen. My oh my.. what in the world was I thinking when I was choosing accomodation????
Well, it ain't that bad, but definitely could be better..
Busy TRYING to revise.. but obviously failing. : (
I had the Chandos Hall (where i live now) on my screen just incase Ash resi decides they wanna check the fax details again, and I was looking at the pictures on the screeen. My oh my.. what in the world was I thinking when I was choosing accomodation????
Well, it ain't that bad, but definitely could be better..
Busy TRYING to revise.. but obviously failing. : (
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
My last day in Singapore
I sound very......... melancholy. : (
http://dibleydoo.blogspot.com/2006/09/countdown-begins.html
http://dibleydoo.blogspot.com/2006/09/countdown-begins.html
Keeping track..
Another easter's past, and before I know it, its been 9 months since i've come to this country.
About a year ago, I wrote in my journal that I was having a hard time deciding which Uni to go to, Exeter CSM Cornwall, or Manchester. I was rather torn. At the same time, I was besotted with problems at work, CO was a thorough pain in the ass, AOMC screwed up my extension thingy, my equipment was all shipped half way round the world without me being there, and well, things weren't going on the right track the right way.
And I feel exactly like how i felt a year ago in easter. Exactly.
I decided to read my olde journal entries again because I felt that that was how i felt a year back, and somehow, i have faith and trust that these times will fade. Amazingly, it seems as though it only took me less then week to get everything back on track and rearing to go once again.
I'm always like that, when i fall, i fall hard, but i pick myself up, and start running even before checking for wounds. Maybe it might help to slow down a little.
Being one year older, I would have expected to be one year wiser, yet, it seems that I am reacting and facing to the issues and problems I face exactly the same way!
Someone once said that the way to judge if a person has grown older, is to see if he has learnt from his mistakes. I made many mistakes last year when i was down and out.. and now? I can ill afford to make the very same mistakes.
I once said that feelings are from ovaries. I have no idea what possessed me to make such a claim. Currently, I think I have alot of ovaries.
All i can feel right now is severe intense frustration and anxiety. I'm amazingly frustrated at people, issues, and things to do, and i'm anxious about what lies ahead.
As much as I feel this way, I know that the only way out of this rut is through trust and prayer. Trust that the Lord has in His plans, a greater picture..
I don't know. Death now, really really seems like mere sleep in an immortal's arms.
I wasn't built to handle so many things at once. boohoo.
About a year ago, I wrote in my journal that I was having a hard time deciding which Uni to go to, Exeter CSM Cornwall, or Manchester. I was rather torn. At the same time, I was besotted with problems at work, CO was a thorough pain in the ass, AOMC screwed up my extension thingy, my equipment was all shipped half way round the world without me being there, and well, things weren't going on the right track the right way.
And I feel exactly like how i felt a year ago in easter. Exactly.
I decided to read my olde journal entries again because I felt that that was how i felt a year back, and somehow, i have faith and trust that these times will fade. Amazingly, it seems as though it only took me less then week to get everything back on track and rearing to go once again.
I'm always like that, when i fall, i fall hard, but i pick myself up, and start running even before checking for wounds. Maybe it might help to slow down a little.
Being one year older, I would have expected to be one year wiser, yet, it seems that I am reacting and facing to the issues and problems I face exactly the same way!
Someone once said that the way to judge if a person has grown older, is to see if he has learnt from his mistakes. I made many mistakes last year when i was down and out.. and now? I can ill afford to make the very same mistakes.
I once said that feelings are from ovaries. I have no idea what possessed me to make such a claim. Currently, I think I have alot of ovaries.
All i can feel right now is severe intense frustration and anxiety. I'm amazingly frustrated at people, issues, and things to do, and i'm anxious about what lies ahead.
As much as I feel this way, I know that the only way out of this rut is through trust and prayer. Trust that the Lord has in His plans, a greater picture..
I don't know. Death now, really really seems like mere sleep in an immortal's arms.
I wasn't built to handle so many things at once. boohoo.
Monday, May 07, 2007
We so easily forget....
Today at mass, Fr spoke about love. Which was pretty amazing when you consider the fact that I was thinking about Christian love, love between 2 persons, or a group of people, or friends as I was walking to church.
It obviously didn't go too well when I was doing the thinking (it never goes well anyway). And I thought to myself.. Hell! I can't apply the same love as I have for a certain group of friends to another group of friends because of the different humane characteristics each group have! How can that be!?
And during homily, Fr talked about love, the true chrisitan love, which is about self-sacrifice. Giving up, giving up yourself, giving up your services, giving up your time. It was about the love of giving, so ultimately taught by Christ through His passion on the cross at calvary. It was an amazing homily, and I wish I could replicate it somehow, but memory fails me so often.
It was a lesson that well, was taught to us as Chrisitians/Catholics, and we always seem to overlook it. The love of chrisitianity is so much more different then normal love. It entails so much more pain and sacrifice. But the goodness that comes from it.. is simply amazing.
So how does Fr think we should go about loving each and everyone around us? He says; The person sitting on your left, and right, is the same as Christ.
Food for thought. Thought for food.
----- ----- ----- -----
I haven't wrote a long time about my reflections on faith and stuff because life has been blinding. Obviously, things are very different from what they were, say, 10 months ago, where the main block of my life was taken up by teaching in school, followed by church, family, then friends all over.. And now, priorities have changed, so have the activities that take up most of my time, and in no specific order, church has obviously slid down the ladder.
I thought about how my friends now, most of them non-religious-non-affliated are seemingly living fine without a religion, whilst I struggle with my own conscience at consciously cutting edges off my beliefs. It was a big issue to me. I thought that I was weak, useless, or even morally unstable, therefore I needed the crutches of 'Faith'.
And now, it dawns upon me that I am wrong. It isn't about needing a pair of crutches to support your broken life, it is about knowing that you had a guiding hand clearer and more powerful then you've ever felt before, and letting go of that hand meant that you could end up anywhere. As humans are, they always like to have a prescient of where they are going.
So for someone like me, I believe that I have truly felt something greater working in my life, changing it, moulding it, making it look prettier, and suddenly losing sight of that force, I obviously felt unwittingly perplexed and lost.
Whilst religion may seemed like an organised sport to some, it is more then that.
It is the heightened state of mind that brings your consciousness to a level that you wouldn't have ever dreamt of before, knowing all well that there exists a higher order of powers that not only coax positive creation, and also develops the human mind.
It obviously didn't go too well when I was doing the thinking (it never goes well anyway). And I thought to myself.. Hell! I can't apply the same love as I have for a certain group of friends to another group of friends because of the different humane characteristics each group have! How can that be!?
And during homily, Fr talked about love, the true chrisitan love, which is about self-sacrifice. Giving up, giving up yourself, giving up your services, giving up your time. It was about the love of giving, so ultimately taught by Christ through His passion on the cross at calvary. It was an amazing homily, and I wish I could replicate it somehow, but memory fails me so often.
It was a lesson that well, was taught to us as Chrisitians/Catholics, and we always seem to overlook it. The love of chrisitianity is so much more different then normal love. It entails so much more pain and sacrifice. But the goodness that comes from it.. is simply amazing.
So how does Fr think we should go about loving each and everyone around us? He says; The person sitting on your left, and right, is the same as Christ.
Food for thought. Thought for food.
----- ----- ----- -----
I haven't wrote a long time about my reflections on faith and stuff because life has been blinding. Obviously, things are very different from what they were, say, 10 months ago, where the main block of my life was taken up by teaching in school, followed by church, family, then friends all over.. And now, priorities have changed, so have the activities that take up most of my time, and in no specific order, church has obviously slid down the ladder.
I thought about how my friends now, most of them non-religious-non-affliated are seemingly living fine without a religion, whilst I struggle with my own conscience at consciously cutting edges off my beliefs. It was a big issue to me. I thought that I was weak, useless, or even morally unstable, therefore I needed the crutches of 'Faith'.
And now, it dawns upon me that I am wrong. It isn't about needing a pair of crutches to support your broken life, it is about knowing that you had a guiding hand clearer and more powerful then you've ever felt before, and letting go of that hand meant that you could end up anywhere. As humans are, they always like to have a prescient of where they are going.
So for someone like me, I believe that I have truly felt something greater working in my life, changing it, moulding it, making it look prettier, and suddenly losing sight of that force, I obviously felt unwittingly perplexed and lost.
Whilst religion may seemed like an organised sport to some, it is more then that.
It is the heightened state of mind that brings your consciousness to a level that you wouldn't have ever dreamt of before, knowing all well that there exists a higher order of powers that not only coax positive creation, and also develops the human mind.
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