Most of the time, its not very clear. It gets muffled by the things that are happening around you. The traffic, your boss, your friends, music, and the sound of yourself; thinking.
Then it happens, the silence, that slams your right in your face. The unnerving sudden change in situations that you are in. From fast to slow, noisy to quiet.
Then it becomes clearer. The other voice in your head. The one that tells you things like, you are making a mistake, you can't do this, you can't do that, maybe you shouldn't, stay away.
Somehow, it hits me hard to know that I am beginning to agree to this voice. Slowly losing the confidence in talking, in being a presence, and making the right decisions. Its frightful. Its like when you've been in a situation where you have been comfortable enough to function without much thought, and having to be ripped out of it suddenly, and expecting yourself to function with exactly the same efficiency.
The voice in your head screams no. It tells you that you are incapable. Sleep is more important, so is the telly, and so are the books that you are reading. Or the useless walk that you are taking, or the venture you're planning. Instead of the ones that build on reality, the ones that feed you, and the ones that give you creature comforts for the passions that you pursue.
So is this voice good or bad? i don't know actually. I have no idea, and I'm waiting to find out.
I think we can all agree I'm going a little crazy. Thats why I need that job.
An establishment will do me good. Thats what I've been brought up to believe, live, and breathe, and I'm not fighting it.
