Sometimes responsibility falls on you like a ton of bricks, and you really have no where to run. Rather, you've cornered yourself into this little spot marked 'responsibility' and you have no choice but to receive that ton of bricks on yourself.
THe question alot of people ask themselves these days are rather irritating, then again, I have a very low irritability threshold.
Well, most people always ask.. are you happy? Which in my honest opinion, is a jack-shit-utter-fucking-rubbish thing to ever ask. I don't think we can ever be happy. I'd usually reply, i'm fucking happy as a lark thankyouverymuch.
I think this ephemeral source of joy most people seek to discover come from deep inside their minds.. like. some kind of subconscious desire to run away from reality and have 'the lives they want', is pathetic really.
So many people have said to me.. like how fucking lucky I am, to be 22, and have lived in 2 countries, 3 if you count that couple of months in cyprus, and be able to do all these cool and crazy things like caving and hillwalking, and whatever rubbish that I do.. But i really don't feel any more luckier then you.
At crunch time, we are all reduced to same sobbing waste that inevitably everyone turns into. A brain of mush. The only thing that separates me from you, or you from me for that matter, is what dogged determination or the lack thereof willpower in our pea brains.
At the end of the day, when the time calls for responsibility to be taken up, and you have to sacrifice those ephemeral suggestions of happiness, would you do it? I find it unconsoling to reflect and actually witness myself comparing my condemned soul to the others who are lack of such problems. Yes. my responsibilty are problems.
At least to me.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
You'll follow me back with the sun in your eyes.
So. The exams are over. fucking awesome.
Immediatly after the exams, we went out for drinks at the student union (duh.) and got abit happy, on 2 triple gin and tonics, and was talking very loudly, and saying crazy things. At 4pm in the afternoon.
(note to self: join AA)
Then, got home, decided to plunk myself on the bed, after promising to meet lemon tan. Fell asleep from all that gin and tonic. Napped for 30mins, cycled over to lemontan's and ate what his friends cook. Whatever it was. And got sort of dragged out.
Anyway.. the middle bit's abit boring.. which involves walking to freaking dalton ellis then walking to OP (has anyone heard of the freaking bus? its cheapest in britain apparently).
Ended up in ORange Grove (obviously at my suggestion) and ran into Kat, and various paraphenelia of people, and Kat was very, very, very, tipsy, and told me giggly girly things that other people should never know about.
(note to self: Get Kat to come along on AA meetings)
Went home slightly after midnight, promising myself abit of rest before having to wake up at bloody 6.30am the morning after my exams are over. fuck this.
Went to Sheffield the next morning. Mandy came at bloody 7.30am to get me. shit. I hate my life already. Drove pleasantly across the pennines, and spent the rest of the day, hanging on rope, a couple of metres off the ground, learning and practicing how to bloody save fat and lazy people who basically can't get themselves out of caves.
(note to self: just give them the valium).
Did the same on sunday, instead in a cave. Which was so much more enjoyable. Oh yeah, slept for 12 hours on saturday night at the TSG caving hut.. which was fucking awesome. Thank god the only other people there were fucking loser medics who claimed to be 'hardcore', but slept at 1am. losers. Needed that sleep.
Knocked up my knees (forgot my knee pads), and shredded my fingers (forgot my gloves) tying knots. Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do.
Came out of the cave and nearly got blown away about 745280470326 times by the bloody strong gales that cut your skin.
Pictures soon.
Bought loads of bits and bobs today, and realised I had this habit of calling random things thingybob. I don't know where I got that habbit from..
i.e
Me: could you pass me that thingybob?
him: erm. What thingybob? there are many thingybobs lying around.
right.
Sat in Geological maps lesson.. thinking about maps (duh) and came upon a realisation and went. SHIT! out loud.
Dr Covey-crump: "Oh, Jason's thinking about something in that deep dark scary mind of his! oh no!"
righto.
I like maps very much though. They make my existence worthy.
Read some sedimentary books at blackwells, and basically creamed in my pants looking at pictures of rocks. I is weird.
Immediatly after the exams, we went out for drinks at the student union (duh.) and got abit happy, on 2 triple gin and tonics, and was talking very loudly, and saying crazy things. At 4pm in the afternoon.
(note to self: join AA)
Then, got home, decided to plunk myself on the bed, after promising to meet lemon tan. Fell asleep from all that gin and tonic. Napped for 30mins, cycled over to lemontan's and ate what his friends cook. Whatever it was. And got sort of dragged out.
Anyway.. the middle bit's abit boring.. which involves walking to freaking dalton ellis then walking to OP (has anyone heard of the freaking bus? its cheapest in britain apparently).
Ended up in ORange Grove (obviously at my suggestion) and ran into Kat, and various paraphenelia of people, and Kat was very, very, very, tipsy, and told me giggly girly things that other people should never know about.
(note to self: Get Kat to come along on AA meetings)
Went home slightly after midnight, promising myself abit of rest before having to wake up at bloody 6.30am the morning after my exams are over. fuck this.
Went to Sheffield the next morning. Mandy came at bloody 7.30am to get me. shit. I hate my life already. Drove pleasantly across the pennines, and spent the rest of the day, hanging on rope, a couple of metres off the ground, learning and practicing how to bloody save fat and lazy people who basically can't get themselves out of caves.
(note to self: just give them the valium).
Did the same on sunday, instead in a cave. Which was so much more enjoyable. Oh yeah, slept for 12 hours on saturday night at the TSG caving hut.. which was fucking awesome. Thank god the only other people there were fucking loser medics who claimed to be 'hardcore', but slept at 1am. losers. Needed that sleep.
Knocked up my knees (forgot my knee pads), and shredded my fingers (forgot my gloves) tying knots. Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do.
Came out of the cave and nearly got blown away about 745280470326 times by the bloody strong gales that cut your skin.
Pictures soon.
Bought loads of bits and bobs today, and realised I had this habit of calling random things thingybob. I don't know where I got that habbit from..
i.e
Me: could you pass me that thingybob?
him: erm. What thingybob? there are many thingybobs lying around.
right.
Sat in Geological maps lesson.. thinking about maps (duh) and came upon a realisation and went. SHIT! out loud.
Dr Covey-crump: "Oh, Jason's thinking about something in that deep dark scary mind of his! oh no!"
righto.
I like maps very much though. They make my existence worthy.
Read some sedimentary books at blackwells, and basically creamed in my pants looking at pictures of rocks. I is weird.
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