stepping back, slowing down, and letting it all sink in.

Its almost stupendous. We say it to ourselves all the damn bloody time, and its just plain annoying. It happens every month, or for some of us, every week. It comes at the breaking point, which comes all too bloody frequently.

Then we throw our hands in the air and say, I need to step back, slow down and let it all sink in.

Sounds familliar? It sure hell does to me!

While standing behind me, N mumbled, I cannot be bothered with this. I turned around, looked at her, and waited for a good 2 seconds before saying, Are you digging your fingers into the cracks of our foundation?



And we had a very bimbo moment when a very gorgeous person walked into the cafe. She attempted to flirt, to no avail. N is amazing.

Life now is pretty much, school (uni), cave, work, school (uni), cave, work. bleargh. I need abit of colour. : S

Because I think I lied.

There is always someone who inevitably says something that didn't quite come out right, or do something that made me frown, and I am always quick to forget and forgive. I never once believed in grudges, and I hate judging people. Everyone is a good person, until, they do something heinous.

This has always been my bedrock when dealing with difficult people or situations, to never judge, and to always be focused on what the real problem is. Like what I said in a previous post, if you want to know more about a person, or read their minds, all you have to do is not be you. Being someone, with a certain set of values, you will inevitably judge the person, and you'll lose their entire value on a whole.

This is where I've been lying, to myself. In so far, I have managed this rather well, and have emerged relatively unscathed in the fracacas of the past couple of months. Most of it didn't involve me, well a little bit of personal stuff did, but largely to close friends of mine.

But I think I've failed. I've judged someone, and now I'm going to hell.

The thing is, I'm a fickle pickle. If things remain status quo, I am likely to be your best friend in 2 seconds, but if something happens and I don't know how to deal with it, its likely i'll never speak to you again. Its not escapism, I just think that people are always liable to their thoughts and actions and that there can be times where they can upset my friends dearest and closest to me. And when that happens, I cannot turn a blind eye anymore.

I don't know what to do. But it really isn't my problem.

Its like being stuck in revolving doors.

Going to lectures just about 3 times a week is certainly very weird. You just slowly looose all the drive you have. Its like, the momentum of a pendulum slowly dying. very slowly.

I should probably make good of the new free time I have.

On another note, I used some of this free time to: clean my room, read random books, and made myself a new furry. Its hilarious. It looks awesome when you're standing about 10m away, but when you look at the stitching details, it certainly proves that i'm no lay-deee...

There is some kind of sick enjoyment in telling politically incorrect jokes to the affected groups and watching them laugh.

I told Alex, this german fresher who just joined caving this horrendous joke about germans:

One day, an English speaking boat crew got marooned off the coast of Germany, they were sinking quickly and had to call for help, The boat signals-master radioed the German coastguards; Mayday Mayday, we have a problem, we are sinking!

Confused, the German coastguards got their best english speaking colleague to reply to the english:

"Alo! Zis is ze Gerrman Coastguards, Vat are you Sinking about?"

He liked the joke.

We should organise a papadum party, and eat nothing but papadums.

A certain sense of fatigue.

Spent the entire weekend caving again.

It was a pretty awesome weekend, and everyone was very much obliged to make my life easy while planning for trips. Faffage was alot as usual, but nothing out of the ordinary, other then a few minor hiccups, everything went well. awesome.

It was a fucking crazy weekend.. we would drink till half 4 in the morning and realise that we had to get up bright and early to lead trips. Wonderful. Worst of all, the we only referred to me, debs and mandy, and of course, the evil perpatrator, sue ryall. She's a legend.

Everyone else was lame. its shocking really! i remembered that on my first YSS weekend (the place we stayed at) we were up till VERY late.. there were fun games and drinks well late into the night, or early in the morning. This year, the freshers just bloody went to bed at midnight, or slightly later! Even Colin, the aged landlord of the pub stays up later then them. Shocking.

Yes, so the effect is that I am extremely tired. Fell asleep in deb's car on the way back.. half dragged myself out for curry, and was rather useless while unpacking tackle and kit.

In retrospect, this trip paralled last year's 1st YSS trip.

Then, I was a new excited caver.. being in the club for slightly less then a year, caving for about 9 months and wanting to improve.. i went on the rigging party with Matt and Pete clewes to learn more and see more.. and this year, i rigged with Pete in the same cave. A little upgrade in status after a year. haha.

Thinking back about how 1 year can change so many things, it frightens me to think about whats going to happen in a year's time. I would have started my job, somewhere, out there in the world. Not sure where, australia? uk? singapore? malaysia? russia? I don't know. I'm happy where I am now, and I can't quite bear another change. The last major change left me mentally and socially incapacitated for a good month or so, and I really didn't like that feeling. I am thinking if I'm too old for another change, or just right. Its awful.

There is a great chance that I won't be here in Manchester this time next year, and thats an awful feeling.

I guess all I can say is, take it as it comes and get on with it.

Oooch. i feeel so lazy. so many things to do! : (