Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Southern Comfort.
Maybe just isn't good enough. It isn't. And I should probably stop settling for maybes. Its like this; you play over a scenario over and over again, over and over AGAIN. Every possible angle, every possible way, and you still come to the same conclusion; ITS NOT GOING TO WORK, because its just NOT the way you live, and just NOT who you are.
When I thought that, it suddenly dawned on me that maybe, some advice that I doled out a couple of weeks ago, could possibly have been mal apropos. shit.
You never know with things like that, you know, when things get a tad complicated, and you're the next best thing to a dog (a man's best friend), at least you talk. So the best I could do, was a; what do you really want to do? sleep on it, then act on it.
Now, I think I could have been more persuasive towards a certain side of the fence. I wasn't neutral enough.
Being in the deep British south has its advantages and its woes all at the same time. While I haven't to worry what to eat, my social life diminishes in the scale of billions. I become almost a home bound invalid. I feel unmotivated, weak, and tied to the cable teevee. I don't like that me. Worse, I haven't ANY of my kit because i'm just here for 2 weeks, and can't possibly see the need for it. Books begin to bore me, and i'm not interested in preparing for exams.
So what do I do? I keep replaying these scenes of imagination.. things I like to dwell upon. What will i do if i win the lottery? How will my apartment look like when I start working? How do I get that date i'm rather desperate for? When should I act on it? Now? Hell no! I've got that piece of work to submit to Merren. After exams? Hell no! I have my dissertation submission and so much work to do! Howabout my job? Optical brightening agents! I need to read on OBAs! I need to know about that bloody formation! How can I cope with everything next year? I can't! Oh no! I can't do it! I'm not that disciplined anymore! I can't! Panic! I can't get that date. I can't do any work. I'm going to die.
Now you see. My head is just so damn fucking full of crazies.
Its simple really, I used to just cram all the crazies into the weekdays, and spend weekends absolutly rat arsed. It used to work. Till now.
Now with the whole, Thou Shalt Not Drinketh Alcohol commandment in effect. . . I just wonder how i'm going to cope.
I start replacing it with chocolates. Then tyrells. Boy am I going to be broke.
So all in all, SoCo is nothing but a name. Something that I have in mind but cannot drink, and cannot linger for fear of the limpets and the dark thoughts that hide in the corner. Thoughts that make me sing to myself for fear of needing vallium ever again.
Right. Bed time.
When I thought that, it suddenly dawned on me that maybe, some advice that I doled out a couple of weeks ago, could possibly have been mal apropos. shit.
You never know with things like that, you know, when things get a tad complicated, and you're the next best thing to a dog (a man's best friend), at least you talk. So the best I could do, was a; what do you really want to do? sleep on it, then act on it.
Now, I think I could have been more persuasive towards a certain side of the fence. I wasn't neutral enough.
Being in the deep British south has its advantages and its woes all at the same time. While I haven't to worry what to eat, my social life diminishes in the scale of billions. I become almost a home bound invalid. I feel unmotivated, weak, and tied to the cable teevee. I don't like that me. Worse, I haven't ANY of my kit because i'm just here for 2 weeks, and can't possibly see the need for it. Books begin to bore me, and i'm not interested in preparing for exams.
So what do I do? I keep replaying these scenes of imagination.. things I like to dwell upon. What will i do if i win the lottery? How will my apartment look like when I start working? How do I get that date i'm rather desperate for? When should I act on it? Now? Hell no! I've got that piece of work to submit to Merren. After exams? Hell no! I have my dissertation submission and so much work to do! Howabout my job? Optical brightening agents! I need to read on OBAs! I need to know about that bloody formation! How can I cope with everything next year? I can't! Oh no! I can't do it! I'm not that disciplined anymore! I can't! Panic! I can't get that date. I can't do any work. I'm going to die.
Now you see. My head is just so damn fucking full of crazies.
Its simple really, I used to just cram all the crazies into the weekdays, and spend weekends absolutly rat arsed. It used to work. Till now.
Now with the whole, Thou Shalt Not Drinketh Alcohol commandment in effect. . . I just wonder how i'm going to cope.
I start replacing it with chocolates. Then tyrells. Boy am I going to be broke.
So all in all, SoCo is nothing but a name. Something that I have in mind but cannot drink, and cannot linger for fear of the limpets and the dark thoughts that hide in the corner. Thoughts that make me sing to myself for fear of needing vallium ever again.
Right. Bed time.
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